Clete Wetli, Contributor
Since taking office, our whining toddler-in-chief has shown that he loves to dish shit out, but that his artificially orange skin is too thin to endure any type of criticism. So, Trump, also known as Twitler, has taken to playing games with the White House Press Corps. He’s abruptly cancelled press conferences, kept reporters in rooms with trash-bags blocking the windows while he’s been on the road golfing, and even instructed that they not be allowed to film or record audio of press conferences.
Trumplethinskin wants to ease up libel and defamation laws so that he can continue his part-time job as America’s most prolific litigator. Yet, Drumpf thinks it’s okay for him to call women pigs, grab pussies, and lie every time his mouth is open, but he wants to make damn sure that he can sue the shit out of anyone who says anything that offends his delicate sensibilities.
So, what are we going to do about little Donnie small hands and his disregard for our most basic constitutional rights?
Well, we’re going to keep talking, writing, publishing, inquiring, and (don’t take this the wrong way) probing. Cheeto Benito really hates getting probed, we hear. We’re going to keep being Americans and demanding that our free press holds our government accountable. If we have to, we’ll go to jail over it, but we sure as hell won’t stop. We’re going to ensure that Americans understand what happens when the state controls the press.
Benedict Donald’s funky haircut soulmate, Kim Jong-Un knows a lot about controlling the press. His state run media plays nothing but masturbatory homage to Kim in between showing lots of images of the White House enveloped in a mushroom cloud. So, as Americans, is this what we want for own country? Is that what’s next; twenty-four seven coverage of Fuckface Von Clownstick giving us virtual tours of his new Trump Somali Casino Golf Resort and Strip Club in between sycophants like Jeffrey Lorde telling us how awesomely great America is because of our great leader, Mango Mussolini? Maybe, they’ll throw in a few clean coal documentaries and cooking shows with recipes for frying spotted owls.
I don’t know about y’all, but I plan to call The Fraud of Fifth Avenue out on every single lie he utters. I intend to criticize his disregard for our institutions and societal norms. It’s my right to speak and Hair Furher isn’t going to silence me. I hate his policies and, worse, I hate the incompetent, self-serving, money-grubbing assholes he’s put in positions of power. Their cruel brand of Social Darwinism is beyond despicable and beyond forgiveness.
This is why we must resist. It’s why we must organize. It’s why we must vote.
Some of these folks aren’t just selfish or incompetent, they are actually evil. Take Steve Bannon’s whole shit sandwich that he calls “the deconstruction of the administrative state” with a side of Russian dressing. I’m sure it took awhile for Steve to explain to The Angry Creamsicle what those big words actually meant. Well, in part, it means eroding our ability to resist by denying us our First Amendment rights.
They want us to tone down the rhetoric after they spent decades vilifying liberals and encoding dog-whistle euphemisms into our public discourse. Well, with no due respect, they can fuck themselves. It’s our right to opine, our right to question, our right to satirize, and even our right to use coarse language to get our point across, so long as the little people are in bed dreaming of a world free of The Fanta Fascist.
So, you want to effectively resist Trump’s assault on the First Amendment? Then, keep reading twentytwentynews.com, write an article yourself, pick up the mic at a protest, and never forget it’s your inalienable right to criticize the government, no matter what the Human Tanning Bed Warning Label says.
Get your tiny little hands off my First Amendment, Pudgy Mc Trumpcake.
Whew! That feels better… now, Imma just gonna wait for my cease and desist letter from Mr. Short-fingered Vulgarian while I knock back a few orange sodas…