Do we need more off-shore drilling (except off Mar-A-Lago, of course)?

oil, rig, maralago, trump, zinke

Jerry Waters, Contributor

If you say, “Drill, baby drill” around a Republican, it appears to have the same effect as an illegal, highly addictive aphrodisiac that’s almost as potent as, “I dig coal”.  Conservatives were elated when Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Accords and downright giddy as his administration took a wrecking ball to environmental regulations that were designed to keep us safe.

Although the world has made monumental strides in developing and producing a multitude of clean energy sources, the Republicans insist on prolonging their dirty affair with oil and fossil fuels for as long as possible. No matter how many pipelines burst an d pollute drinking water or supertankers spill millions of gallons of toxins into the sea, they truly believe that oil and coal are the fuels of our future.

Recently, the Trump administration announced that it intended to open most US coastal waterways for expansive oil drilling, except for Florida.  The new policy doesn’t care if the drilling takes place near endangered species or fragile ecosystems. Yet, it seems that drilling off Florida’s coast could be a bigly distraction to Trump’s weekly, tax-payer funded golf game, so that was quickly nixed.  Other states are applying for the same exemption as Florida, but it depends on whether they are red or blue and how much they are willing to kiss Trump’s ass.

The big question, though, is do we need more off-shore drilling?

The short answer is “No.”

Right now, US oil production is at an all-time high while demand has remained fairly steady. Prices are low. Also, the Trump administration let the oil-spill clean-up tax expire and have no plans for renewing it, which is a huge financial boon to oil companies as supply exceeds demand.  Fracking has turned out to be cheap and profitable. Under Trump, they can now get away with polluting, creating flammable tap-water, and causing earthquakes to their heart’s content.

It’s 15 to 20 times cheaper for US oil companies to drill or frack on land than it is to for them to do off-shore drilling. Even with the stunningly stupid roll-back of drilling safety regulations, there’s not a good business case for increased off-shore drilling. They just want to have that option for the day that they are in direct competition with clean, renewable energy. They want to get every dime possible out of the fossil fuel infrastructure they’ve spent decades creating before it becomes wholly obsolete. Who cares if a few people or some fish die in the process? It’s all about the money, baby.

“Drill, baby, drill” is the ancillary to Trump’s Golden Rule- “Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.” It’s why he put his nefarious minion, Zinke, in charge of the Interior Department. Zinke has flip-flopped on most major environmental issues, but he’s clearly a Trumper today. He has lifted bans on trophy hunting imports, rescinded the ban on bullets that cause lead contamination, and reduced national monuments.

In the spirit of Roy Moore, Zinke rode a horse to his swearing-in. Even better, when he’s not chartering private jets at tax-payer expense, he demands that The Flag of The Secretary of the Interior be flown after a small ceremony whenever he is in the building. I promise, I’m not making this stuff up!

Zinke is hell-bent on destroying our public lands and water-ways to ensure that big business can exploit them any way they see fit. Besides, now that he’s raised the price of admission to most parks, you can’t afford to go there anyway.

His love of the “Drill, baby, drill” mantra isn’t necessarily practical, but it’s brazenly political. Zinke wants big business to know that he’s got their back and that he’s not going to let something like a protected or endangered species get in the way of making a few bucks. I mean, fuck the Greater Sage-Grouse, really!

So,with all of Trump’s focus on eliminating safety regulations, and pesky Greater Sage-Grouses, for Big Oil, what could possibly go wrong?

I’m sure Zinke has the stable, genius answer and will point us to that over-used scripture that he has marked with a Post-It in his Bible about “Man having dominion over the earth” while he’s loading his gun to kill some big game animal to decapitate and put on his office wall.

By the way, that Flag of The Secretary of the Interior better be flying when he comes back to the office with his new trophy, or there’s going to be some serious Hell to pay!

“I cannot recall”: the rapid descent into Trump’s “shithole”

trump, shithole, twentytwentynews

Clete Wetli, Contributor

When asked about Trump’s mind-numbingly racist and vulgar comments regarding immigration from “shithole” places like Haiti and Africa whilst the “stable genius” pined for more white Norwegians to come to America, repugnant Republican Senators Tom Cotton and David Perdue respectively claimed, “I cannot recall”.

Oh, the “selective memory defense” so expertly wielded by intellectual giants like Jefferson Beauregard Sessions and so many others of his ilk as they attempt to defend the indefensible.

Despite confirmation that all the other Senators present in the discussion heard Trump spew this insult, Cotton and Perdue issued a joint statement saying, “We do not recall the president saying those comments specifically but what he did call out was the imbalance in our current immigration system, which does not protect American workers and our national interest.”

They just eagerly jumped into Trump’s “shithole” gleefully joining him in defecating on statesmanship, protocol, and, most importantly, the truth.

Since the “shithole” comments became public, the airwaves have been full of hysterical right-wing pundits trying to justify Trump’s banal vulgarity and feebly denying his clear history of racist remarks. They sound disingenuous, foolish, and weary; for they know that they have sold their character and souls.

In a year’s time, Trump has done the unimaginable. He is single-handedly turning America into a “shithole” by haphazardly destroying critical environmental, financial, and educational regulations. He is widening wealth disparity with his crappy tax policy that overwhelmingly benefits the rich. He has diminished our stature on the world stage and has recklessly promoted violence and international conflict.

Every week it’s a new controversy, a new embarrassment, and a collective gasp as “the bar” plumbs new unfathomable lows. Yeah, right after “shithole-gate”, the latest news is that Trump’s personal lawyer paid out $130,000 in hush money to a porn star so that she wouldn’t go public about her sexual encounters that presumably ended in a Trump hump.

(Don’t feel bad, I got just as queasy as you did.)

There’s no greater joy today in America than sitting down at the kitchen table with your young children having to explain the meaning of “shitholes” and porn stars simply because they came in the room while you happened to be watching the evening news.

It has become simultaneously exhausting and enraging to write about Trump’s efforts to turn America into a “shithole”, while he and his wealthy sycophants find more ways to line their own pockets at the expense of everyone else.  Of course, the Trumpian wealthy are willing partners because they cannot smell the putrid shit from the lofty heights of their gaudy, gilded-towers.

Somehow, he has turned conservatives and Republicans into craven, willing ball-gagged gimps who purposely overlook his abuses, incompetence, misogyny, racism, and pathological selfishness.

Indeed, a year of Trump has been a spectacular shit show and the “shithole” he has created is about to overflow. Democrats will have to strongly unite, find their best shit shovel, and show up to the polls. Republicans, the ones with any decency or dignity left, will have to stand against the monster they created. Otherwise, Trump’s shit will just keep getting deeper and spread even farther.

Things are at a point now where I cannot tolerate Trump supporters. It’s not so much their warped political agenda, but blindly supporting Trump says much about their character, their capacity for cognitive dissonance, and their festering hatred for “others”.

So, Cotton and Perdue claim “they cannot recall” any sort of shit that may have hit the proverbial fan.  They are happy to be on the front lines of Trump’s “shithole” construction project that will rapidly turn America into the land of “haves and have-nots”.

We must remove Trump. He cannot be wished away, or as the saying goes, “wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up quicker.”

I take a winter vacation and all Hell breaks loose

Twenty Twenty News, Satire, Clete Wetli

Franklin, Contributor

So, I decided to take a little winter break after getting twentytwentynews.com off the ground this last year. As a Canine American without opposable thumbs or vocal chords that are worth a shit, this was no small feat, so I figured I had earned a break and that things would be okay in the capable hands of Clete Wetli, Jerry Waters, Elizabeth Dawson, and others who have helped with this effort. Obviously, that worked about as well putting Harvey Weinstein in charge of Human Resources at a Hooters.

My crew, who assured me that they would keep things running while I was gone, seemed to have also taken a little respite of their own. At least Wetli posted some of his al.com crap here on the site, but he certainly hasn’t been writing new content for us, or annoyingly re-posting it everywhere like used to do.

I called Dawson and she claims she’s been busy making some kind of bizarre post-modern sculptures out of red clay, C-4, and the tear drops of all six moderates left in Alabama. She mentioned something about being busy with the Alabama Women’s Caucus of the Arts and drinking copious amounts of vodka while binge watching Homeland. After muttering some obscenities, she promised she’d come back to work when she ran out of liquor or reached critical mass in her existential crisis, whichever came first.

Yeah, that’s called Tuesday in case you were wondering. Wetli called, but   seemed genuinely surprised when I answered my phone. He thought he’d leave another one of those fake sounding rambling messages, but he heard the guttural disgust in my voice and he begrudgingly agreed that he’d start writing some pieces again. He claims he’s been super busy working on a project with Huntsville Recovery to help deal with substance abuse and the opioid crisis in the community. Cool, I had no idea the guy even had a day job or could even pass a drug test on his best day.

Jerry’s phone was disconnected, so I went over to his apartment which is actually the detached garage at his mother’s house. He was watching a YouTube video on how to build your own massive telescope to detect alien life while he was painting his toe nails lavender. Anyway, I really don’t want to talk about it, but Jerry agreed to begin contributing again. He also signed an agreement to never wear flip-flops to the office.

So, there’s no way to recap the last two and a half months except to acknowledge that Trump hasn’t blown us up, yet. Of course, now we are learning that he’s a self-described “stable genius”, instead of being the annoying, perpetually masturbating, special needs Russia-humping fucktard that we all thought he was.

Somehow, we have all survived a year of Trump the depraved, moronic dipshit and his repugnant Republican Congressional sycophantic whores. They have been working hard to erase all the progress we enjoyed during the Obama years and they are determined to change our noble democracy into the worst of kakistocracies for their own enrichment.

Well, I’m back in the office now and I promise that we’ll start cranking out some insightful commentary on the news once again, First, I have to figure out which stable genius decided to put “Africa” by Toto on a perpetual loop every time I turn on computer.

“The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless, longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become”- yeah, try to get some work done with that shit blaring. It really makes me wonder if Trump wrote those lyrics… nothing shocks me anymore.
So, it’s good to be back and this dog is ready to hunt again.