‘Repeatedly and brazenly’- Republicans’ disdain for the law

Franklin, Contributor

While more details emerge about the decades-long white-collar crime spree of former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, Special Counsel Robert Mueller just released a heavily redacted 800-page memo advocating harsh federal sentencing for Manafort due to his deliberately, ‘repeatedly and brazenly’, violating the law for decades. Repeatedly and brazenly.

It’s a recurring and despicable theme in the dark era of Trump. If you’re a rich older white guy, the rules just don’t apply to you. It’s what happens when extreme capitalism conspires with Machiavellianism whilst having an obsessive affair with status-inspired vanity. It’s the only sensible explanation for Manafort’s $15,000 ostrich-leather jacket or his insane expenditures of over $900,000 in five years on designer suits.

Repeatedly and brazenly.

This outrageous disdain for the law and Constitutional norms is evident in every one of Trump’s appointments or picks for senior level positions. It’s obvious in his bullshit declaration of a national emergency on the southern border; yet, his previous declaration of a national emergency on the American opioid epidemic was simply flaccid and clearly inadequate. It was brash and shamelessly apparent in Trump’s tax plan that shifted more money to those sitting on mountains of cash at the expense of the working-class and poor.

Repeatedly and brazenly; rinse and repeat.

When Republicans consciously and intentionally decided to be Trump’s bitch, they prostituted their party and ideals in a way seldom seen in political history. They did it because they believe crap like Joe diGenova, former U.S. attorney and Kool-Aid drinking Republican, said recently to Fox News’ Laura Ingraham, “We are in a civil war in this country. There’s two standards of justice, one for Democrats one for Republicans. The press is all Democrat, all liberal, all progressive, all left. They hate Republicans, they hate Trump. So, the suggestion that there’s ever going to be civil discourse in this country for the foreseeable future is over. It’s not going to be. It’s going to be total war. And as I say to my friends, I do two things – I vote and I buy guns.”

Repeatedly and brazenly, they espouse a bizarre amalgam of greed, white supremacy, entitlement, privilege, and xenophobia. And it’s happening because Trump is literally the extreme conservative icon’s dream of an ideal president, as articulated in 2012 by Grover Norquist, who claimed the ideal president would be “a Republican with enough working digits to handle a pen.” Republicans sold their souls for a debaucherous grifter, man-child who could do just that to advance their perverse political agenda.

Repeatedly and brazenly.

As we endure the constant and startling atrocities of Trump and his ilk, we should somehow remain optimistic that our nation will survive this assault on our sacred norms and proud institutions. Surely, Republicans are not genuinely proud of Trump or the immoral swamp he represents. Certainly, they will repent and regroup as the inevitable indictments fall and the ugly truth of his corruption and moral bankruptcy is irrefutably exposed. And not just Trump’s, but all his cronies who have engaged in the same type of reprehensible and obviously illegal behavior. We must remain steadfast that they, indeed, are not above the law.

Don’t think that Democrats or others aren’t prone to this sort of repeated and brazen illegality. The difference is that we hold our own responsible. Just ask Al Franken. And, true, there are those like former President Clinton who got away with egregious misconduct, yet liberals can still claim the moral high ground by committing to doing what’s morally right, particularly as we move forward. It matters that Democrats, in spite of their failures, continue to adhere to the highest ethical standards. If we don’t, we become them.

Repeatedly and brazenly and wittingly.

It’s time to remember that the goal of public service isn’t power, it’s all about making our nation a more perfect union. Our adherence to our American values is the only thing we should be doing repeatedly and brazenly.

Oh, and fuck all those greedy, immoral self-indulgent traitors like Paul Manafort… He truly deserves what he’s about to get and we can only hope it’s repeatedly and brazenly in federal prison.

We’re still with you, Wasyluka!

twentytwentynews, wasyluka

Franklin, Contributor

Now that the midterm election hangover is starting to wear off, there was one race that really stood out to the folks here at twentytwentynews.com and that was the powerful campaign of Amy Wasyluka for Alabama State Senate District 2. Her message was genuine and simple. Her energy was fierce and relentless. Her campaign staff and volunteers were loyal and dedicated.  She almost defeated the onslaught of straight ticket voting because she ran an amazing campaign that inspired people. Wasyluka gave us something to vote for instead of trying to convince us to just vote against the opposition.

After a gut-wrenching defeat by a mere few hundred votes, Wasyluka was back to work immediately, encouraging others to get involved in progressive causes and to engage in making their communities better. Wasyluka simply embodies the kind of leadership and character we need to move Alabama forward. She ran a positive campaign focused on healthcare, education, and infrastructure. We’re all praying that she decides to run again.

The Wasyluka campaign also showed us why it’s so important for more women to run for office. For her, healthcare and women’s issues weren’t an exercise in abstract empathy. She’s lived them. She became a voice for women who feel disenfranchised and ignored by a political system that seems to only recognize older, white men. Wasyluka knocked on countless doors and listened to the people of her district. She told us her story and we all felt like we got to know a dedicated, honest person instead of a duplicitous politician. It seemed like every day, she had something new and personal to say on social media. Wasyluka won our hearts.

Hopefully, Wasyluka will run again. During her campaign, she certainly inspired other women to get involved in the political process. In Alabama, that’s something we desperately need as women continue to be sorely underrepresented and marginalized.

In sharp contrast, Republican Kay Ivey won the governorship without doing much of diddly or squat. In fact, no one even knows what the hell she stands for or what her plans are for the state. The only people inspired by her victory are extremist Republicans who know that she’ll blindly rubber stamp any regressive laws that they throw across her desk.

So, as Democrats are still gathering signs to take to the Green Team for recycling and trying to figure out how they got decimated in the midterms, they ought to pause a moment and look at what worked in the Wasyluka campaign. First, she was genuine and always herself. She proposed real, workable solutions and gave people something they could vote for. She was running for something, rather than running against someone. Second, she worked with enthusiasm and spent every moment believing she could win. Her attitude was energetic, positive, and infectious. Third, she used social media to tell her story, rather than using it as a place to try and sell a political product or ideology. Last, she never muddied the waters. Her message was simple, understandable, and steady.

The people who worked on her campaign would do it all over again tomorrow. If you’ve worked in politics any length of time you probably know that not many other campaigns could make that type of claim. Wasyluka made us into believers. We saw that with her vision and her leadership, it was possible.

So, before we get distracted by the next stupid thing Trump does or the next embarrassing scandal or the next round of Republican dumb-assery emanating from Montgomery- let’s take a moment to learn from the Wasyluka campaign. At twentytwentynews.com, we were paying attention because we saw what a great Democratic campaign should look like in Alabama and why more brilliant, dedicated women like Amy Wasyluka need to run for public office.

We’re still with you, Wasyluka!

Eau de Swamp: The Fragrant Stench of Corruption

twentytwentynews, eau de swamp

Franklin, Contributor

If someone was inclined to make a scent that embodied today’s Republican party under Trump, then it would definitely be called eau de Swamp. It would smell like cocaine-laced crumpled dollars that had been smuggled across Eastern European borders deep in the nether regions of someone’s underwear, yet, mixed with the distilled sweat of punch drunk investment bankers and the heady stench of spittle flying from the mouths of enraged white guys yelling hate speech epithets. It could be sold in the gaudy unused bottles that were made for Trump’s failed line of vodka. Oh, what a pungent bouquet.

This odiferous parfum concoction wafts off Manafort and Cohen and Stone and Trump Jr. and the, oh so lovely, Ivanka, the sweatshop goddess. It permeates gerrymandered statehouses and Governor’s mansions and even lowly boards of education. It seems that everywhere there is a gathering of Republicans these days, there’s that unmistakable smell of burnt American dreams and festering corruption. It burns your eyes the same way that perfume does in houses of ill-repute. Sickly sweet and artificial.

Although Trump and his sycophants seemed to have an irresistible hypnotic effect on one third of our country, at least two thirds recognize his putrid odor and the obnoxious decay emanating from his cohorts. Those malodorous machinations to destroy American democracy in favor of a rigged bureaucracy for the wealthiest have seeped into the nostrils of those who mistake the rot for greatness. It defies explanation, but there are people out there who still like sniffing gasoline or spray paint for a buzz…

That Trumpublican smell can be explained. It’s what happens when core values are sold cheaply for power. It’s what happens when winning becomes more important than standing up for what’s honorably right. It’s what happens when you run instinctively from challenge and only listen to those who confirm your deeply held prejudices and assumptions. The secret ingredients are fear, ignorance, and a healthy spoonful of divine entitlement and superiority. A splash of gerrymander, perhaps. Eau de Swamp has been around awhile, but it’s never been so concentrated, nor marketed so brazenly. Or, sold so cheaply.

The vile permeation of it has choked civil discourse and strangled statesmanship. Its fester corrodes our common sense and its elixir lays waste to our sense of common good. Those who enjoy it, enjoy it as a reeking repellent so they may have the freedom to pursue their own selfish interests and craven pleasures and they laugh as others gag on its stench. Eau de Swamp isn’t for just anyone even though everyone can certainly smell it.

It’s the funk of pay-for-play politics and rotten quid pro quo secret deal-making.

In Alabama we’ve seen it at all levels of conservative government and, more recently, with the Oliver Robinson scandal it seems to have also involved some Republican state legislators and congressman in their delusional quest to neuter the EPA. As they talk of family values, they ensure the environment is a landfill for big businesses and they guarantee that quality, affordable healthcare is only a pipe dream for their constituents.

Trump has told us not to trust what we see or hear, but surely people can still smell the lies and corruption. Surely, Americans will come up for fresh air after breathing in these noxious fumes. Right now, the Republicans are intoxicated by it and it’s made them giddy. They have no idea how much harm they have created for themselves and others by bathing in that acidic cologne. It’s scents for the incensed and it won’t be very long until it causes a rash.

They may want to consider going au natural for a bit. Eau de Swamp stinks to high heaven.

Mo silence, Mo bullsh*t

mo brooks, twentytwentynews

Franklin, Contributor

With all of the bizarre shenanigans coming from the White House these days, you’d expect that your congressman might have an opinion or two on tariffs or Putin or he might possibly be trying to figure out how to get healthcare for the people in his district that don’t have it.  In North Alabama, all we get is Mo silence or Mo bullshit.

Recently, the dysfunctional incumbent who is too impotent to actively represent his district, Mo Brooks, discovered that he was getting his ass kicked in this last quarter of fundraising by a 2-1 margin. So, Mo decided to issue the following statement about his opponent, Peter Joffrion, saying, “We have all the money we need right now to make sure voters know that Peter Joffrion is from the radical left-wing of the Democratic Party.”

Well, if that ain’t Mo bullshit, I don’t know what is. (At least Mo’s flunky intern who wrote that bullshit didn’t pull out the cliché of calling it the “Democrat Party”, but rest assured that there are Mo cliché’s coming).

Anyone who has spent more than thirty seconds with Peter Joffrion knows without a doubt that he’s not “radically left.” This Mo bullshit response is a clear indicator that Mo has no effective argument against the fact that Peter Joffrion is gaining traction in the Fifth Congressional District because he is a leader who listens to his constituents and offers workable solutions. Mo, on the other hand, is too busy trying to convince his base that hordes of South American immigrants are desperate to relocate to, uh, Scottsboro or trying to convince us to enlist in Space Farce so that we can start new interplanetary wars over mining Uranus. Yep, Mo bullshit.

Of course, Mo silence ain’t that much better. Brooks resorts to that often when it becomes obvious that his legislative ideas are about as effective as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest or nailing Jell-O to a tree. Mo also likes to run away. Especially if he thinks some radical left wingers are gonna show up at a town hall and he’ll have to answer a real question or two. Mo questions, Mo flees. It’s Mo than we should be forced to put up with when all we get is Mo and Mo incompetence.

It’s just Mo of the same old, same Mo.

Look, this election truly matters because we can’t afford Mo bullshit or Mo silence. We need leadership and we need someone that will stand up for North Alabama. We need Peter Joffrion because he will represent North Alabama honestly and fight for the things we care about. We don’t need Mo grandstanding or Mo embarrassment. The last thing we need is Mo problems or Mo rhetoric.

So, let’s help Mo retire. He’s had a long, albeit ineffectual, run and his tired doublespeak isn’t doing much of squat to help the people of North Alabama. Either Mo’s voting no or he’s hiding from his constituents or he’s saying some embarrassing shit you’d expect to come from the lips of an angry adolescent. Yeah, Mo likes to vote no a lot because he thinks it makes him look like he has principles. Unfortunately, as part of the Freedom Caucus cult, all it means is that he’s mastered the art of throwing a monkey wrench into the gears of effective government. Mo gridlock, Mo kickin’ the can.

Even in Congress, Mo is about as appreciated and revered as a turd in a punchbowl or being stuck in an elevator with Ted Cruz without air conditioning in August.

It’s time to for bold leadership, it’s time to elect Peter Joffrion. We’ve had Mo silence and Mo bullshit than we can stand.

“Mo on the Rocks” sung to the tune of Neil Diamond’s “Love on the Rocks”

Franklin, Contributor

Mo on the rocks

Ain’t no surprise

Just add stones for the ocean to rise

It ain’t strange if you hate climate change

All the time

Gave you my silt

Gave you my slag

You left me in Congress without much to say

Pandering’s done

Now all I want are some bucks

First, they say they love you

Then, they get to know you

Suddenly you find you’re out there

Sounding like a fool

When they know they have you

All that science, so true

Nothing you can do or say

You’ve got to leave, just get away

We all know you’re wrong

You need that science screed

You can say what you want

Not much you can do when you’re making it up

May be blue skies above

But it’s cold when your Mo’s on the rocks

First, they say they love you

Then, they get to know you

Suddenly you find you’re out there

Sounding like a fool

When they know they have you

All that science, so true

Nothing you can do or say

You’ve got to leave, just get away

We all know that you’re wrong

Mo on the rocks

Ain’t no surprise

Just add rocks for the ocean to rise

It ain’t strange if you hate climate change

All the time

Another day, Another Shitastrophe

trump, shitstorm

Franklin, Contributor

As I ponder the onslaught of political gaslighting, I’ve come to relish the memory of a gentler time when our biggest scandal was the president sporting a tan suit. Between porn stars, money laundering schemes, clandestine meetings with Russians, and living large on the taxpayer’s dime, the Trump administration can only be described as a “shitastrophe”. It began as a notably large shit show and rapidly morphed into a category 5 shitastrophe. For the linguistically curious, that’s synonymous with “clusterfuck”, but several degrees worse because it was a wholly preventable condition and one that could be eradicated immediately if Congressional conservatives would simply open their eyes.

We all understand the importance of rallying behind your party’s surprise leader, even if he is a vulgar, mean-spirited, philandering, pathologically lying ignoramus. We get the part about passing an agenda and tolerating “eccentricities”. We even get the part about how he deserves a little slack for being inexperienced in politics and governing. However, conservatives have urinated on their collective moral conscience, and traded basic accountability for idol worship, in their self-loathing, cult-like worship of Trump.

The Democrats can continue to illuminate the obvious unethical and illegal machinations of Trump and his confederacy of self-promoting shysters, but until Republicans come to some minute degree of existential epiphany, they remain happy to look the other way and recruit more delusional apologists. Every day is another day of shitastrophe that they pretend is justified, excusable, and unremarkably normal. It’s like watching a fire-breathing, live-grenade juggling chihuahua unicycling through a warehouse full of fireworks while shouting, “Nothing to see here!” in perfectly pronounced Klingon.

We are witnesses to a mob-like criminal enterprise destroying government agencies and constitutional norms for their own profit and self-aggrandizement. We are subject to an unrelenting diatribe of lies and told that the facts are contextually pliable and inherently unreliable. We are asked to make our own morality into an irrelevant emoji as an apologetic means to excuse the blatant bad behavior of our leader, who refers to all of his actions and promises in absurd, delusional superlatives.

So, now the Department of Homeland Security will track journalists and “media-influencers” to keep us safe from having to hear any criticism of America, or its Shit-Gibbon-in-Chief. Just another shovel of excrement to ensure the longevity of the shitastrophe. As if the trade war, the dismantling of environmental safety regulations, and the daily revelations of scandal just wasn’t enough corrosive crap?

As the abomination of Trump’s shitastrophe spreads, we must recognize that the only way to win this war of minds and hearts is to strenuously exercise the First Amendment. This is more than a resistance of memes, more than well-organized protest marches with creatively snarky home-made signs. This is about finding new and creative means to get galvanizing messages to the mainstream and learning innovative ways to craft narratives that inspire and unite.

Like many, I begrudgingly gave Trump a chance in the hope that the weight of presidential responsibility would temper his juvenile urges and narcissistically-driven penchant for chaos. Trump not only failed, but showed that his worst is a looming evil promise. We cannot afford a second term of Trump. We cannot be apathetic as he uses his first term to further divide us. Underestimating him would be devastating and stunningly foolish.

As I write this, Trump is sending National Guard troops to the southern border to stop an imaginary threat and to give his angry base more fuel for their racist fires. As I write this, his ex-campaign manager, Manafort, is facing hundreds of years in prison and trying to craft benign explanations for all his nefarious Russian entanglements. As I write this, the porn star Stormy Daniels, is litigating her hush money contract with Trump and his greasy attorney, Cohen. As I write this, I wonder what thing he will next deface or what vital institution he will cripple. I cringe as he smears excrement on the public trust. As I write this, I count the days until we vote again and pray we have someone to vote for, instead of against. I miss Obama in his tan suit.

Another day, another shitastrophe in the era of Trump.

AL House votes to display Ten Commandments- We Prefer Hammurabi’s Code!

twentytwentynews, hammurabi, ten commandments

Franklin Contributor

In its infinite and mind-boggling wisdom, the AL House of Representatives has voted in committee to tear down the wall separating church and state by advocating the public display of the Ten Commandments on state property. They believe that this will infuse much needed morality in Alabama and finally eradicate atheism. They are hoping it may eliminate the need to have those bizarre kids riding bikes wearing ties that knock on your door all the time wanting to talk about your tenuous spiritual salvation.

Although they admit all sorts of genetically immutable dumbfuckery will remain rampant in the Yellowhammer state, at least folks will have something wholesome to read, with lots of word they don’t fully comprehend, while they’re waiting to pay for their traffic fines at City Hall. Thou gets it, right?

So, we at twentytwentynews.com thought that we shouldn’t stop there. In the spirit of arbitrarily sponsoring state religion, we’ve gone all in on public displays of Hammurabi’s Code. It’s a bit longer, bloodier, and unforgiving, but that should make it far more appealing to Christian Evangelicals and folks stockpiling firearms to prevent tyranny. In fact, we think it should be updated a little by replacing the phrase “put to death” with “kilt wit a hail of bullits from an AR-fiteen” or “mauled to death by a real war-eagle”. Hell, yeah!

We think that Alabamians should embrace Hammurabi’s code because it has all sorts of stuff they just love. Subjugation and humiliation of women, maiming and sundry torture, legal ways to abuse slaves, and there’s even references to barbers, prostitutes, and drinking in taverns. Much like the Bible, but with fewer weird references about coveting your neighbor’s oxen or making golden idols. I mean, who’s got time for that, really?

In our defense, we looked at a multitude of historical codes of law because the AL House insists that this isn’t about “religion”, but merely a way to provide “historical context” for our current law. Apparently, Attila the Hun wasn’t real big on writing stuff down and, well, Hammurabi just seemed to be a perfect fit for Alabama, especially the conservatives.

With this groundbreaking legislation, surely the AL House will welcome all kinds of religious and cultural documents to be displayed at the Driver’s License office for “historical education” purposes. Maybe, we could use some passages from the Satanic Bible for the eye exams. Certainly, we could put some Sharia law posters up in the Tax Assessor’s office and, maybe, some great scrolls of Confucian Law in the County Commissioner’s office.

We commend our genius Representatives for their bold action in Alabama. If only we had posted the Ten Commandments sooner, then ex-Governor Robert Bentley wouldn’t have been screwing one of his advisors and prancing around in his whitey-tighties on the taxpayer dime. It may have stopped former House Leader Mike Hubbard from all his theft and graft. Perhaps, Bubba in Cullman County wouldn’t have done that unspeakable thing to his neighbor’s ox.

Hopefully, they’ll mandate school prayer next. Then, we can sing our prayerful praise to Cthulu or sacrifice animal fat to Zeus! We’re so happy they’re not advocating one religion over another and are merely interested in educating folks about “historical context”. If this catches on, maybe groups like the Girl Scouts could branch out into Wiccan covens. Oh, the endless possibilities!

So, let’s hope that they get this Ten Commandments bill to the floor for a vote as soon as possible, so we can get Hammurabi’s Code posted in the City Parking Deck where it belongs!

Hammurabi was one bad-ass Babylonian and it’s time Alabama “redneckanizes” his contribution. Next legislative session, we’re looking at sponsoring the Code of Ur-Nammu so we can get adulterous women, random acts of dismemberment, and sorcery under control in Birmingham, Huntsville, and the sin-filled hell-hole of Mobile.

Did Elon Musk just commit a perfect crime right in front of our eyes?

twentytwentynews, frankin, most interesting man

Franklin, Contributor

Elon Musk just launched a red Tesla into space with a space dummy at the wheel. Of course, we’ll get into the unintended cosmic consequences of his overpriced car commercial in a moment, but did anybody physically check to see if the space dummy driver was actually a mannequin?

Aha! That’s exactly what I thought. Interestingly, we haven’t seen much of Jonathan Goldsmith lately; who’s known by his moniker, “The World’s Most Interesting Man”.  It was reported that he was replaced suddenly by French actor, Augustin Legrand, after Goldsmith’s final appearance in a commercial that had him on a one-way trip to Mars.

Coincidence? I think not! Here’s a link to the commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvbRlengcS8

According to sources unfamiliar with this story, it has been alleged after several cases of Dos Equis, that Musk has long been jealous of the man who “can speak French in Russian” and whose “only regret has been never being able to experience regret”. Musk has long wanted to be thought of as the world’s most interesting man and it has been theorized that his fragile ego couldn’t take it anymore.

Musk has often sought to reach the height of global stature where mosquitos refuse to bite him out of respect and he can live vicariously through himself. “He just couldn’t take it anymore…”, according to an anonymous person who was quoted deliberately out of context on an unrelated matter. Some initial reports were that he initially wanted to kidnap Trump, but never succeeded in luring him away from watching Fox News while snuggling with Ivanka on the couch. However, that sounds like a conspiracy theory, besides Trump is known as the Most Interesting Man to Himself and Musk’s hands are quite obviously larger than Trump’s which completely debunks that idea.

Obviously, flamethrowers, Hyperloops, car models that collectively spelled out the oh, so subtle acronym- S-3-X, SpaceX rockets, and PayPal just never gave Musk the sort of street cred that could make him the life of parties that he never attended.

So, Musk may have snapped and kidnapped Goldsmith after cleverly arranging his replacement, according to unreliable and inebriated, speculating sources. Some people from somewhere say that Goldsmith was kept imprisoned and drugged until being put in a spacesuit by an evil, cackling Musk petting a Persian cat and then Goldsmith was carefully positioned in the driver’s seat of Musk’s Tesla that was recently launched into space with the ironic destination of Mars.

With over 4,000 pieces of space crap and garbage sent into Earth’s orbit by humans, Musk was inspired to send space trash even further into the cosmos, thus deciding to thrust his Tesla to other planets as a gift; much the same way that Columbus brought syphilis as a gift to indigenous peoples. In this case, our alien neighbors will get an overpriced car on empty, a once very interesting human corpse with an enviable beard in a spacesuit designed for MTV, and billions of bacterial microbes that will certainly wreak havoc on their pristine planet.

By the way, at twentytwentynews.com, we are extremely proud of our excessively inept and shoddy reporting that brought you this clearly fake conspiracy theory written by a fictitious Yorkie Editor-In-Chief for the sole purpose of pointing out to Musk that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

In the meantime, we choose willfully to suspend our disbelief and accept this hairbrained theory as truth in the same way that Trump supporters believe our President has moral values and spends “executive time” on deep, contemplative thought.

We don’t always write fake news, but when we do, we sure as Hell have a biased opinion about it.

So, Musk, we’re on to you and your evil plan to get aliens to buy your cars and flamethrowers. We believe this in our hearts because we want to believe you committed space-murder right before our eyes and no amount of facts will change our minds. We heard that you tried to sweeten the deal by loading cases of Dos Equis and solar-panel roofing shingles into the trunk of that Tesla you launched into space.

Musk, you may be a space-murderer, but you always inspired us with your famous line, “”A little red wine, vintage record, some Ambien … and magic!” Ah, the stuff conspiracy theories are made of…

Just remember, when aliens discover this used car crashing into their planet and they finally take the spacesuit off the curiously handsome dead driver, it’s going to take them awhile to figure out why the corpse is wearing a shirt that says, “Stay thirsty, my friends”.

When Stupid Ruled the Land

twentytwentynews, trump, idiocracy

Franklin, Contributor

(Warning: If you are a Trump supporter, then do not attempt to read this because there are big words and opinions that differ from the one you were told to have. It is recommended that you stare at the picture, get angry, blame Obama or Pelosi, and tweet your outrage using any profanity you can spell without asking for help.)

An iconic moment in the orange toddler-king’s rise to the proverbial high chair of political power was when Hillary Clinton made the remark about Trump’s morally bankrupt and dim-witted supporters being “deplorable”.  Let me tell you, those imbeciles were more outraged than when someone slowly explained to them that “heads I win, tails you lose” was a scam perpetrated by liberal youth. Look, I’ve tried to give the Trumpers the benefit of the doubt, but I’ve come to the certain, inescapable conclusion that they are proud of their stupid dipped in ignorance which is then deep-fried in perpetual mean-spiritedness.

History will remember this era in American politics with chapter titles like, “When Stupid Ruled the Land” or “The Whining Rise of Dolt 45”. It’s beyond comprehension that his cult of cretins celebrates his incoherent misspelled tweets and glory in his uncreative, lame-brained insults; until you remember that the only thing surpassing their staggering stupidity is their capacity for jealous hatred.

Ironically, they are as thin-skinned as their idiot idol who loves to hurl rude epithets against his opponents, but is outraged and wounded when he gets the same treatment. Liberals are used to juvenile attacks and have endured insults from conservatives for decades. But, Clinton calls them “deplorable” and, suddenly, they are calling suicide hot-lines, sucking their thumbs, and re-enlisting their security blankets that they retired when they were eight years old.

Well, I’m done trying to be polite and not discuss the obvious. Trump and his Republican Party are truly a bunch of morons. They’ve put people in cabinet positions that would have to learn a thing or two just to rise to a base level of incompetence. Although, that was part of Trump’s meathead plan, he forgot that the repercussions would have a negative impact on him and his drooling base, as well. For example, his dipshit idea to cut taxes for the wealthiest and deprive people of basic healthcare at a time when the economy is doing well and there are legitimate concerns about inflation and over-valuation in the stock market. Oh, and that little thing about exploding the debt and deficit. Yep, classic dumbass move! However, the Trumpsters are content with their tiny bonuses or raises and don’t see how they are getting screwed. Well, not yet and, to be honest, someone may still need to draw them a picture using stick figures and crayons.

At first, we could all handle Republicans trading in their morality because we knew that they were hypocrites and that it was a sham from the get-go. That’s why they had no problem voting for the mush-for-brains “pussy grabber”.  However, it was surprising that they decided that deliberate ignorance and intellectual dishonesty would be their new rallying cry. Sort of like how during the election the economy was teetering on disaster and America was a shithole, but it somehow magically changed when Trump changed the drapes in the Oval Office to a “Third-World Dictator” gaudy gold.

America is rapidly becoming a kakistocracy, even if Republicans have no clue what that word means. As liberals, we’ve got to come to terms that just because we’re smarter doesn’t mean we’ll win. It’s time to find ways to appeal to people’s emotions again or we’re doomed to be ruled by dumbest and meanest among us.

In the meantime, y’all better buckle up because this is about to get a whole lot worse. Just wait until the bloated orange genius and his sycophants try to react to the unexpected crisis that’s inevitably going to come our way. He’s probably already got a rough draft of the tweet blaming Obama while bragging about the size of the crowd that saw it.

As a nation we’ve survived through many obstacles, I just hope we can survive this new wave of self-inflicted stupidity until 2020. Otherwise, we may as well start banning books, burning scientists and teachers at the stake, and start using Magic 8 balls to guide our policy decisions. In all fairness, I think Magic 8 balls have a better track record than Trump…

 

Ain’t no confusion about that collusion

trump, russia, collusion

Franklin, Contributor

The indictments keep coming and our witless President keeps tweeting his desperate protests that there was no collusion between his campaign and the Russians. Well, except for that meeting in Trump Tower with his son, campaign manager, and a few Russians to discuss, um, um, “adoption”. Or, that time when Kushner tried to open a secret back channel to talk with the Russians because, um, um, well, just because. Or, that little meeting that was arranged by Betsy Davos’ brother, founder of Blackwater, in the Seychelle islands that was meant to be a secret meeting with Russians tied to the Kremlin about Russia’s involvement with Iran, but fake news people ratted him out. Or, Carter Page or Paul Manafort. Or, Trump’s lawyer, Cohen, trying to build a Trump Tower in Moscow.

I mean, except for those couple of (several dozen) times and about twenty others that all have, um, um, very logical explanations.

I mean if you can’t trust a president whose friends pay off Playboy Playmates and porn star mistresses to keep quiet about their affairs, who can you trust? Old, fake news, right? Maybe, Putin can be trusted because he gave Trump his word that he’d never, never, never meddle in our elections and even offered to pinky swear to show his sincerity. Putin’s people don’t talk and, if they do, it can take years to find the bodies.

All those reports about Russians loaning Trump piles of money and buying his gaudy over-gilded properties is not, um, money-laundering, um, um, I mean it’s not collusion, it’s just business.

Trump keeps saying there’s no collusion and when he doubles down, like on Obama’s birth certificate or the Central Park Five or “clean” coal or a wall that Mexico will pay for, we know he’s, um, well, committed to the idea. We also know that he’ll do just about anything to get what he wants. Like that time he hired a bunch of illegal immigrants to build Trump Tower and didn’t pay them or the time he flagged rental applications to prevent black people from living in his properties or all the times he lied about his wealth to intimidate others or… well, you get the point.

So, maybe Trump has engaged in some secrets or illegal cooperation or conspiracies, in order to cheat or deceive others a few times in his life… oh, um, shit, that’s the actual definition of collusion. That basically describes Trump’s entire career in real estate and his romantic life. But, hey, the past is the past and Trump wants us to believe that neither he or his campaign wittingly conspired with the Russians to win the election or to amass wealth illegally.

So, Mueller just indicted thirteen Russians for trying to influence the election and for duping witless Trump campaign operatives. Well, that’s not exactly exoneration with the investigation ongoing and more Trump associates making plea deals and secretly meeting with the Special Counsel. But, hey, it’s just a witch-hunt, a hoax, a bunch of loser Democrats claiming that there’s collusion, right?

Let me help clear this up, “Ain’t no confusion about Trump’s collusion!” So much evidence of Trump’s cozy relationship with Russia and their rubles is already public record and Mueller is about to show us the money trail. It’s just a matter of time before all the dots are connected.

The saddest part of this whole story is that the Russian response to the indictment was apropos, “Americans only see what they want to see.” For so many Trumpers, it’s always been that way. Their love for alternative facts was the candy that Russia lavished upon them.

There’s more coming, folks, and if we’re lucky, Trump will get exactly what he has always deserved.