“Mo on the Rocks” sung to the tune of Neil Diamond’s “Love on the Rocks”

Franklin, Contributor

Mo on the rocks

Ain’t no surprise

Just add stones for the ocean to rise

It ain’t strange if you hate climate change

All the time

Gave you my silt

Gave you my slag

You left me in Congress without much to say

Pandering’s done

Now all I want are some bucks

First, they say they love you

Then, they get to know you

Suddenly you find you’re out there

Sounding like a fool

When they know they have you

All that science, so true

Nothing you can do or say

You’ve got to leave, just get away

We all know you’re wrong

You need that science screed

You can say what you want

Not much you can do when you’re making it up

May be blue skies above

But it’s cold when your Mo’s on the rocks

First, they say they love you

Then, they get to know you

Suddenly you find you’re out there

Sounding like a fool

When they know they have you

All that science, so true

Nothing you can do or say

You’ve got to leave, just get away

We all know that you’re wrong

Mo on the rocks

Ain’t no surprise

Just add rocks for the ocean to rise

It ain’t strange if you hate climate change

All the time

Did Elon Musk just commit a perfect crime right in front of our eyes?

twentytwentynews, frankin, most interesting man

Franklin, Contributor

Elon Musk just launched a red Tesla into space with a space dummy at the wheel. Of course, we’ll get into the unintended cosmic consequences of his overpriced car commercial in a moment, but did anybody physically check to see if the space dummy driver was actually a mannequin?

Aha! That’s exactly what I thought. Interestingly, we haven’t seen much of Jonathan Goldsmith lately; who’s known by his moniker, “The World’s Most Interesting Man”.  It was reported that he was replaced suddenly by French actor, Augustin Legrand, after Goldsmith’s final appearance in a commercial that had him on a one-way trip to Mars.

Coincidence? I think not! Here’s a link to the commercial:


According to sources unfamiliar with this story, it has been alleged after several cases of Dos Equis, that Musk has long been jealous of the man who “can speak French in Russian” and whose “only regret has been never being able to experience regret”. Musk has long wanted to be thought of as the world’s most interesting man and it has been theorized that his fragile ego couldn’t take it anymore.

Musk has often sought to reach the height of global stature where mosquitos refuse to bite him out of respect and he can live vicariously through himself. “He just couldn’t take it anymore…”, according to an anonymous person who was quoted deliberately out of context on an unrelated matter. Some initial reports were that he initially wanted to kidnap Trump, but never succeeded in luring him away from watching Fox News while snuggling with Ivanka on the couch. However, that sounds like a conspiracy theory, besides Trump is known as the Most Interesting Man to Himself and Musk’s hands are quite obviously larger than Trump’s which completely debunks that idea.

Obviously, flamethrowers, Hyperloops, car models that collectively spelled out the oh, so subtle acronym- S-3-X, SpaceX rockets, and PayPal just never gave Musk the sort of street cred that could make him the life of parties that he never attended.

So, Musk may have snapped and kidnapped Goldsmith after cleverly arranging his replacement, according to unreliable and inebriated, speculating sources. Some people from somewhere say that Goldsmith was kept imprisoned and drugged until being put in a spacesuit by an evil, cackling Musk petting a Persian cat and then Goldsmith was carefully positioned in the driver’s seat of Musk’s Tesla that was recently launched into space with the ironic destination of Mars.

With over 4,000 pieces of space crap and garbage sent into Earth’s orbit by humans, Musk was inspired to send space trash even further into the cosmos, thus deciding to thrust his Tesla to other planets as a gift; much the same way that Columbus brought syphilis as a gift to indigenous peoples. In this case, our alien neighbors will get an overpriced car on empty, a once very interesting human corpse with an enviable beard in a spacesuit designed for MTV, and billions of bacterial microbes that will certainly wreak havoc on their pristine planet.

By the way, at twentytwentynews.com, we are extremely proud of our excessively inept and shoddy reporting that brought you this clearly fake conspiracy theory written by a fictitious Yorkie Editor-In-Chief for the sole purpose of pointing out to Musk that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

In the meantime, we choose willfully to suspend our disbelief and accept this hairbrained theory as truth in the same way that Trump supporters believe our President has moral values and spends “executive time” on deep, contemplative thought.

We don’t always write fake news, but when we do, we sure as Hell have a biased opinion about it.

So, Musk, we’re on to you and your evil plan to get aliens to buy your cars and flamethrowers. We believe this in our hearts because we want to believe you committed space-murder right before our eyes and no amount of facts will change our minds. We heard that you tried to sweeten the deal by loading cases of Dos Equis and solar-panel roofing shingles into the trunk of that Tesla you launched into space.

Musk, you may be a space-murderer, but you always inspired us with your famous line, “”A little red wine, vintage record, some Ambien … and magic!” Ah, the stuff conspiracy theories are made of…

Just remember, when aliens discover this used car crashing into their planet and they finally take the spacesuit off the curiously handsome dead driver, it’s going to take them awhile to figure out why the corpse is wearing a shirt that says, “Stay thirsty, my friends”.

Like coffee? You better save the killer bees

coffee, killer, bees

Jerry Waters, Contributor

I was recently horrified to discover that man-made climate change is threatening the very gasoline that fuels human existence: coffee. These dreadful tidings are enough to move the hands of my personal Doomsday Clock rapidly forward to display a quick two seconds to midnight. Folks, this is a DEFCON 5 situation that requires immediate attention and the kind of rapid global action that can only occur after unhealthy abuse of espresso.

So, the problem is that rising temperatures and changes in rainfall patterns have already begun to affect the Latin American coffee crop. The biggest pollinator of coffee crops happens to be the killer bee whose work is vital for high commercial yields. Aside from temperature and precipitation changes, the killer bees are also losing habitat quickly due to humans destroying their homes.

Compounding these issues, killer bees really don’t much like humans messing with them and beekeepers aren’t exactly fond of handling critters with “killer” as their descriptive moniker. As all these compounding factors threaten coffee production, it is feared that if some major corrective measures aren’t taken that the industry could have some very rough times ahead.

As I write and sip my very bold Colombian morning blend, it drives home the point about how interconnected we are as a planet. I never thought that I would be thanking a killer bee for my morning joe, nor did I imagine that I would suddenly be very concerned about her survival. In fact, too many Americans are blissfully oblivious to the rampant global destruction that’s caused by their unquenchable consumerism.

As my java kicks in, I think that all coffee-loving Americans need to start doing their part to ensure that the international companies that bring us all these products we desire are doing it in an environmentally responsible way. This revelation about the contribution of the killer bee to my caffeine addiction brought home the reality of the fragility of our ecosystem.

From the Pacific Trash Vortex to the earthquakes caused by fracking, the selfish human desires for profit and self-indulgence are wreaking havoc on our planet. Of course, it is politicized because it costs more money to ensure that the utilization of natural resources doesn’t result in their depletion or become the catalyst for a chain of events that harm other living things and biomes.

Somehow, we all keep forgetting about our symbiotic relationship with the killer bee.

In this age of seemingly infinite consumerism with the carcasses of plastic bottles and K-cups seemingly everywhere, I can’t pretend to know any quick fix or magical solution. I think it simply begins with awareness followed by a personal commitment to think about the consequences of your lifestyle choices. Maybe, it starts with finding out if your coffee is produced by a responsible grower who doesn’t exploit his workers in the fields and understands the great value of the killer bee to the yield of his crop.

So much of this debate over man’s impact on the climate is absurdly obvious as we continue to pave and clear-cut and mine and try to force nature’s hand. As a species, we’ve got to become much more aware of our footprint and we must commit to preserving the delicate balance of our planet. We have no choice but to inject politics into the debate or we risk more profiteers, like Trump, shredding global agreements to curtail pollution.

I can probably live without my iPhone and certainly don’t need a toaster connected to WiFi, but when you start talking about coffee shortages, you have my undivided attention. So, let’s make sure we do everything we can to help the killer bees keep killing it.

Stand in solidarity with us. tea drinkers, because you may be next. Maybe, this is what folks mean when they say I need to get “woke”…

Read more on the Coffee Loving Killer Bees

New mysterious signals from outer space: Are Earthlings ready for alien contact?

alien, signals, stephen, hawking

Jerry Waters, Contributor

The Stephen Hawking and Yuri Milner Breakthrough Listen project recently announced that they have received over fifteen fast radio bursts from an unknown galactic source and that they have no idea if they are intentional. The signals were first detected in 2012 and appear to emanate from a source 3Bn light years away. It could be waves from neutron stars, black holes, or possibly intentional communication from extraterrestrial life. Scientists across the globe are giving their opinions and unsurprisingly arguing about the origin of these unexplained transmissions.

Ironically, some scientists and writers, like Nadia Blake, are showing extreme bias by saying, “Invoking aliens as a potential solution to an ongoing mystery is lazy” while others are convinced without much supporting evidence that this is undeniable proof of alien contact. Of course, most people understand that while it’s appropriate to speculate, it’s also way too early to sign off onto any type of conclusion until more research and irrefutable evidence can be gathered.

The most intriguing question is that if these signals are definitively proven to be from an intelligent alien source; are humans ready for alien contact? Do we have a planned coordinated international response? Surely, if they ask to be taken to our leader then we’re not going to let them tweet with Donald Trump…

It’s easy to dismiss these questions out of skepticism or arrogance, but that would be imprudent and potentially disastrous for our species and our planet. Scientists just proved that it’s raining diamonds on Jupiter and Saturn. Luckily, they didn’t say that was happening on Uranus or no one would ever take them seriously again! Well, joking aside, the point is that so many discoveries and advances seem so far-fetched and impossible at the time until they become hard facts or everyday common knowledge that is indisputable and invaluable.

It’s deeply troubling to think that we might miscommunicate with alien life. It’s equally frightening to think that we’ll react aggressively simply out of ignorance. There’s also the possibility that their intentions may be to deliberately destroy or colonize our planet. Yet, much like our heated intra-planetary debate about the pros and cons of artificial intelligence or the manipulation of genes and chromosomes, we have not reached universal consensus.

We can’t even get universal agreement on the science of climate change and the we’re already feeling the measurable negative effects. We currently have the resources to ensure that no one our planet goes hungry, yet hunger and starvation persist across the globe.

Although, as a species we continue to fail to address so many urgent and critical challenges, our technology and knowledge base seems to be advancing almost exponentially. Our cell phones have become powerful computers. We can access information from across the world instantly. Our inventions and breakthroughs are happening so fast that most of us can’t acknowledge or comprehend their current impact or long-term consequences. Many of the people reading this article had a Commodore 64 as their first computer and remember when cell phones were unbelievably expensive and the size of a shoe box.

So, are we ready to have any kind of meaningful discussion with alien life? Ready or not, they may be calling and it’s time we figure out what we’re going to do when that happens. The odds are ever in our favor that one of neighbors is going to come calling sometime soon.

For the skeptics, perhaps it’s time to contemplate the juvenile vanity inherent in the belief that humans are the only sentient beings in the universe. For the folks who watched one too many episodes of the X-Files, it’s time to put down the PlayStation controller and get involved in helping craft a global policy to address this contingency. Yeah, I’m talking to you, nerd.

If you ask me, I think we’re ready. For all our faults as a species, I still think we’re mostly good, decent, and curious in a healthy way. I just hope that their first contact isn’t with a Trump or a member of the Freedom Caucus, If that happens, I hope I can afford a seat on the next SpaceX flight off this rock to go collect diamonds on Uranus, I mean Saturn…

Stephen Hawking’s Signals from Space

New climate change policy: Don’t ask, don’t tell

climate change

Jerry Waters, Contributor

While the EPA Chief Scott Pruitt is busy dismantling every sensible environmental regulation he can get his oil-soaked hands on, he has simultaneously launched a new strategy to ensure that the fossil fuel industry wins its public opinion war over the realities of climate change. This last week, the EPA disbanded the Advisory Committee for the Sustained National Climate Assessment which is the fifteen-member federal agency in charge of helping the government, the military, and big corporations deal with the practical and tangible issues arising from climate change. They are also supposed to guide the production of the National Climate Assessment Report which is supposed to be produced every four years. Well, that just got thrown into a landfill.

So, the new EPA strategy for dealing with climate change has now become ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ In fact, policy has changed so that even saying things like ‘global warming’ or ‘man-made climate change’ just might get you fired if you work for the EPA. Well, they may not fire you, but you could end up being another research scientist that’s been recently relocated to the accounting department.

The thing that’s stunningly stupid about this is that even if you harbor the insane delusion that mankind has absolutely nothing to do with climate change, it’s obvious to every person on this ever-warming and polluted planet that it is, indeed, happening. You can debate the causes all you want, but there’s no arguing about the measurable fact that temperatures and ocean levels are rising. The destruction of rain forests isn’t dependent on anyone’s opinion, it just a fact. The list of endangered and extinct species is real regardless of what anyone thinks or believes.

Having said that, wouldn’t it be in the best interest of scum-sucking fossil-fuel lovers and champions of industrial pollution to know how climate change affects their bottom line? I mean, what’s the point of destroying the environmental habitat of a beachfront to build condos if rising sea levels or fierce tropical storms are going to endanger your investment in a few short years? You’d think these profiteers would at least like the facts about how climate change will impact their businesses even if they believe mankind didn’t cause the problem.

That’s not how our new EPA or the geniuses in the Trump administration see it. They just want everyone to believe that the majority of the world’s most respected scientist are engaged in a liberal conspiracy. Those Birkenstock-wearing hippies are trying to kill the coal industry and they’re always bitching about water pollution. Didn’t they read that part in the Bible about man having dominion over the planet? Besides, if we don’t acknowledge that there’s a problem, then there won’t be a problem anymore. Obviously, that approach worked with gays in the military and Pruitt is hoping it can work with climate change, too!

All joking aside, this is something that Americans should be outraged over. This is a global problem that transcends politics. Mother Nature isn’t going to care about your political leanings as coastlines deteriorate, our water becomes increasingly toxic, and summer temperatures get so high that commercial jets are grounded.

This new policy of deliberate ignorance is nothing more than a short-term strategy for the fossil fuel industry to squeeze every penny out of consumers before their industry becomes obsolete. The damage they are doing to our planet is horrific and, in some instances, irreversible. Hopefully, clean and renewable energy will continue to flourish before it’s too late. As Americans, we can’t allow the destruction of the EPA.

Pruitt may be thinking that the EPA’s ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy will work, but just like the military discovered, reality can be a drag queen with an assault rifle.

Inconvenient Truth: More Information on Climate Change

Screw the environment, we’re building a wall!

environment, wall, turtle, endangered species, twentytwentynews

Jerry Waters, Contributor

The latest genius move by the Trump administration is one where they waive all environmental impact studies prior to the construction of a massively unnecessary and expensive wall on the Mexican border. Who cares about the indigenous wildlife that might be impacted? So what if the wall causes flooding problems or affects drinking water? Trumpists say, “Screw the environment, we’re building a wall!”  Well, they used to add that Mexico would pay for it until Vicente Fox politely told them to “Fuck off!”

Yeah, it seems that in America’s fervent quest to seal its southern border, studying the environmental impact would just take too darn long. It’s not like it’s a wall spanning 2,000 miles with drastically diverse ecosystems and habitats cutting through densely populated urban areas and vast uninhabited expanses… oh, wait, never mind. Anyway, it’s just the environment. What could possibly go wrong?

Of course, there aren’t any international treaties that cover this sort of thing. Crap, well there are a few, but surely, we can find a way to circumvent that…

Trump figures if he can waive ethics laws for his staff, why not waive environmental laws for a wall that hasn’t even been designed yet?

So, there’s about 90 endangered species that could be impacted by the wall. But, who really gives a shit about the coastal California gnatcatcher or the Quino checkerspot butterfly? So, a few wetlands, streams, and habitats bite the dust and in their place we get a great, beautiful wall (with a door, I hear) and maybe even a casino. It will definitely solve the problem of people overstaying their visas and it will definitely keep folks from finding other ways to enter the country illegally. It’s surely the best use of taxpayer dollars and sure to endear us to our Mexican neighbors.

People are sure making a big deal about all this and acting like the wall goes right through national protected wildlife refuges… damn it, like the Santa Ana Wildlife Refuge in Texas… well, you gotta break a few spotted owl eggs to make an omelette, as they say.

Trump and his folks have promised to be careful. They were careful when they gutted the Clean Water Act to allow companies to dump pollution into streams and nothing really bad has been on the fake news about that yet.

Besides, this is a great way to keep everyone busy and forget about doing the very hard work of reforming the legal immigration system. In fact, the Trump administration is working real hard right now to lower the amount of legal immigrants allowed in America. Well, except for the ones he needs to exploit as domestic labor at his Mar-A-Lago club for so he can golf and party with his rich buddies.

C’mon, you didn’t see the Germans all worried about the environment when they built the Berlin Wall. The Chinese built the Great Wall without giving one hoot about the environment and, now, it’s a huge tourist attraction you can see from space!

So, we spend 1.6 Billion as a down payment for about a hundred miles of wall and, according to Trump, the whole thing’s gonna cost around 20 Billion… he’s just the greatest at math, no one does math like him. Maintenance, fuggetaboutit… no one builds a wall like Trump… it will pay for itself if Mexico won’t chip in.

Well, I’m glad we’ve got all that settled here because we sure wouldn’t want to spend that kind of money investing in clean, renewable energy as we face the dire impacts of man-made climate change.

So, say it with me, “Screw the environment, we’re building a wall!” Maybe, we can sell some of those Quino checkerspot butterflies to help pay for it. Well, we better do it quick before they go extinct.

Little Donny Two Scoops’ War Against Science

Jerry Waters, Contributor

Prior to conning half the US population into voting him into the presidency, Trump tossed around the bullshit idea that climate change was nothing more than a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. On several occasions, he would tweet about winter storm events and claim that they were definitive proof of the aforementioned and mysteriously elaborate Chinese conspiracy. Given Trump’s adoration of the fossil fuel industry, his juvenile statements are not surprising, just indescribably pathetic.

Before he took office, scientists were scrambling to preserve findings and data to ensure that his amazingly dumb ass wouldn’t destroy decades of research and plunge America into a deeper anti-intellectual dark age.

However, even Hair Fuhrer decided it would look good to sensible, non-Trumpian Americans if he pretended to at least explore the concept. So, he met with Al Gore and said he’d “keep an open mind”, but that he still viewed the concept with great skepticism. That’s his clever code for “fuck the environment if I, or my golf buddies, can make a buck.”

Which brings us to Trump’s latest head-shaking shenanigans, where he rubber-stamped Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke’s reassignment of 50 career officials, including Joel Clement, the agency’s top climate change analyst. Clement has since filed a whistleblower complaint against the Interior Department alleging that he was reassigned to accounting (yeah, that’s right, fucking accounting) for “speaking out publicly about the dangers that climate change poses to Alaska Native communities”.

The ridiculous orange narcissist also believes that vaccines cause autism, windmills are bad for people’s health, environmentally-friendly lightbulbs cause cancer, asbestos is great, and that coal is so bigly clean. There are probably many more ignorant delusions held deeply by Trump, but we don’t have the time to sort through each one of his bizarre, unfounded, or demonstrably insane beliefs.

To be clear, Trump hates facts. He really despises science because science is nothing more than the interpretation, analysis, and synthesis of facts to study the world through observation and experimentation. Scientific fact remains true whether you believe in it or not. Science doesn’t care about your selfish profit obsessions or your professions of faith or your unhealthy addiction to confirmation bias.

What Trump learned during his “Art of the Bullshit Real-Estate Deal” days was that most people were inclined to believe almost anything if they thought it might profit them. That’s why so much surrounding the real estate business is a scam. Properties aren’t sold based on what they’re quantitatively worth, they’re sold based on the buyer’s perception of worth. That’s why facts are Orange Mussolini’s anathema… maybe he can ask Bannon what that word means.

This is precisely why Trump can’t accept science: You can’t sell over-priced property without hyperbole, immense exaggeration, and worthless promises that it will surely double in value. Trump shows us daily that you don’t have to be smart to sell people bullshit and have them come back asking for another helping.

So, it’s up to us to continue to pursue facts and expand our scientific understanding. Our species and our planet are counting on us. Once Trump gets impeached or his term expires, it’s going to take a bunch of work to correct the damage he has done.

Little Donny Two-Scoops’ war against science is nothing more than the incoherent ravings of a greedy and profoundly selfish man-child. He’s given the ignorant credibility by giving belief the same standing as evidence. Well, the fact is that this man is a danger to our planet and that no one, not even the great Twitler, can win against science.

As Einstein said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Well, after watching Trump in action, we have no choice but to concur.

The real and present danger of Artificial Intelligence

Jerry Waters, Contributor

Growing up, I saved all summer for a Commodore 64 computer and learned BASIC so I could program it to randomly generate numbers for my characters in Dungeons and Dragons. Now, mentioning the Commodore 64 is a quaint anachronism as we have the modern capability to talk to our cell phone supercomputers and they can pinpoint our location anywhere on earth.  Our technologies are growing exponentially and average people are having a hard time keeping up and understanding the myriad of complex consequences.

Recently, Elon Musk, founder of Tesla and SpaceX, gave a dire warning about the potential dangers of Artificial Intelligence (AI) because he believes that the technology is expanding faster than we can regulate it or fathom the potential dangers.

I may date myself here, but Hollywood tried to warn us with films like 2001: A Space Odyssey and War Games. We’ve also had similar ethical debates regarding genetic engineering and cloning. In fact, I just read somewhere that there’s a doctor ready to perform the world’s first human head transplant. To be honest, aside from it being existentially creepy, I’m not real sure how I feel about that and I haven’t even begun to untangle the messy legal and ethical implications involved in such a procedure.

One thing I know is that we can open a Pandora’s box unintentionally if we don’t establish regulations and processes based on sound ethics and solid legal principles. I also know that it’s worth the investment to enforce these regulations and processes or we’ll be watching the reality television version of Frankenstein.

AI has the potential to help humans beyond their wildest dreams or to become the nightmare from which we never wake. I’ve used Siri in my iPhone to recommend restaurants and to snarkily ask, “What did the fox say?” Obviously, the technology is in its infancy. What happens when terrorists decide to use it create a computer super virus? What happens if AI designers develop a system that becomes self-aware and determines that mankind is a threat to its survival?

How much should AI be able to interface with other technologies and why? Is someone planning on a human brain/ AI hybrid?

We know what can happen if we don’t take the time to answer these questions. Aren’t we still dealing with the consequences of the proliferation of nuclear weapons? When you get right down to the crux of the matter, aren’t most of our current human conflicts over who controls the fossil fuels that power our current technologies?

Elon Musk is adamant that we do something now because “by the time we are reactive in AI regulation, it’s too late”.  It’s noteworthy that other leading human intelligence echoes his concerns, folks like Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates. The big questions they ponder are: 1) Who controls the technology to determine its impact?,  2) How do we prevent them from becoming completely autonomous?, and 3) How do we prevent them from fighting humanity?

Certainly, it’s easy to dismiss all of this as hyped-up fear, but the technology exists right now. With all the hacking that’s been dominating our headlines, how do we know this information will stay secure and not fall into the hands of some James Bond archetypal villain?

As Alex Morritt put it, “Whoever perceives that robots and artificial intelligence are merely here to serve humanity, think again. With virtual domestic assistants and driverless cars just the latest in a growing list of applications, it is we humans who risk becoming dumbed down and ultimately subservient to machines.”

After this last disaster of a presidential election, it’s hard to argue against that point.  In the meantime, I’m going to use the app on my phone to check my refrigerator live-feed video to see if I need to buy more milk while I’m out.

Why we should take Stephen Hawking very seriously

Jerry Waters, Contributor

At a recent arts and science conference in Norway, famed scientist Stephen Hawking pleaded with humanity to expedite interplanetary exploration because he believes the Earth has a very short and finite lifespan. Hawking said he thinks that creative applications of Einstein’s theories will result in our ability to travel on beams of light to reach galaxies that are impossibly far away.

So, is Hawking a crackpot or an enlightened prophet with a dire warning for mankind?

First, it’s important to understand that the 75 year old theoretical physicist has done groundbreaking research by developing a cosmological theory that unifies the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics. His work has been universally praised and he’s won just about every scientific honor imaginable.

Most people may not even understand his contribution to science, but they will certainly benefit from his research and theories.

Second, Hawking, like many with the courage to question the status quo, has had some humiliating scientific defeats. His most recent was his insistence that Higgs boson, an elementary particle in the Standard Model of particle physics, would never be authenticated. However, thanks to CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, Higgs boson was proven to exist in 2012 and Higgs won the Nobel Prize for Science in 2013 by definitively proving Hawking wrong.

The point, though, is that Hawking is one of the most brilliant minds in the world; a genius who truly understand the rigors of intense scientific inquiry. He is not given to wild speculation, nor does he care about the popularity of his conclusions.

For these reasons, we need to listen when Hawking says he believes that perpetual human existence on our planet is unsustainable. Given his record, he’s not saying this out of hysteria or religiosity, rather as a scientist considering the overwhelming evidence of grave and imminent threats or the real chance of the random and unforeseen.  He mentions things like nuclear holocaust, climate change, genetically-engineered viruses, asteroids, and a host of other things that are probable and rational threats to our very existence as a species. Hawking even considers the dark side of artificial intelligence which, in diabolical hands, could be used to perpetrate genocide or unwittingly cause great harm to humanity.

Hawking isn’t just prophesying the demise of Earth; he is showing us a path to survival. This is why he believes so strongly in taking science seriously. With science, interplanetary and intergalactic travel is not only possible, but obligatory. With science, colonization of other worlds is a necessary safeguard to ensure that our species survives. It’s also a way to decrease the drain of natural resources on Earth and give the planet a fighting chance to recover and heal from its most rapacious inhabitants.

This is why we need to take Hawking seriously. He isn’t peddling vague notions or careless speculations, but purposefully searching for real answers to dilemmas that may have catastrophic consequences if left unanswered.

Hawking embodies an everyman who looks at the obvious aftermath of rampant human consumption and self-serving vices and, wisely, chooses to look for a way to achieve universal redemption and realistic salvation. Hawking doesn’t believe that will come from prayer, but will come from our collective intellect applied creatively to our common problems.

In this age of Luddites, who eschew facts and science, we must ensure that great and accomplished men like Hawking are heard above the Facebook memes and internet noise. It’s time to celebrate science, including the science that gives us nightmares.

We need to take Hawking seriously because he’s not only shown us what will likely happen if we don’t act; he’s given us a rational, achievable plan so we can act collectively with purpose and survive to avoid our own demise.

Climate change deniers are, well, bat shit crazy

Honestly, there’s just no other way to put it. Typically, we here at twentytwentynews.com aren’t ones to use pejorative or demeaning terms to characterize an opinion contrary to our own. But folks, climate changes are real and the people who deny them probably still believe strongly in the Easter bunny, still write lengthy epistles to Santa Claus, and bemoan the loss of their youth because they’ve nothing to currently offer the Tooth Fairy.

There is global consensus amongst scientists that our current observation of climate change is anthropogenic, meaning it is caused primarily by human activity.

Conversely, morons and bat shit crazy people have reached a consensus that massive man-made pollution and the extinction of whole species just ain’t no big deal cuz that would mean you gotta bag your own groceries in your own re-usable bags and that’s proof enough that global warming is just nutty liberal hippie crap.

You don’t have to be a scientist to see the adverse effects of killing off millions of acres of forests or to see the direct correlation between fossil fuel consumption and the rise of atmospheric pollutants. It doesn’t take a degree to understand that when fracking started, so did the earthquakes and flammable tap water. You don’t have to be a genius to look at the great Pacific vortex of trash in our ocean to think that it might be really, really bad for aquatic wildlife.

However, if you think dumping toxic industrial chemicals in our streams is no big deal, then you’re quite literally bat shit crazy. If you think “clean coal” is the energy source of the future, then you may want to get that free check-up they’re offering just for you at the nearest mental health center. If you believe that God gave us this beautiful planet to use like a disposable Bic lighter, then please reconsider your choice to reproduce.

Having said that, we’re going to bring you news and opinions from the world of science, as much as we can, to help you convince the “Easter Bunny-Santa-Tooth Fairy Believing” folks in your world that this stuff is real and imminent. Of course, Kris Kringle famously said, “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” So, maybe skip the argument and figure out what you can personally do to save the only planet we have.

We can lead by example and we can educate each other. We can keep doing the things we know are right and do our best to leave a healthy planet for our children. If nothing else, we can quit filling up our landfills with plastic water bottles and those annoying little K-cup crappy latte containers. We can respect our planet and each other. We can begin to use renewable energy because it simply makes sense.

This is going to take some time, but “millennials” get it because they see the devastation that has been caused by unquenchable consumerism.

So, the next time you encounter a climate change denier just cut to the chase and feel free to tell them that they are simply bat shit crazy. If you really want to make them crazy, tell them you think you see a pink plastic egg in their yard and that someone told you there’s a tooth in it!

Until our next installment about climate change and the environment, figure out what to do with all those plastic bags you’ve been collecting under your sink and let us know what you came up with!

Franklin says he’s making a comforter… we’ll see how that turns out.